It was a stormy Wednesday afternoon in the Shin-ge-bis tribe sacred lands. Trees were shaking and the animals were crying out. The native peoples of the tribe had taken shelter in their homes and hadn't come out since the storm had started that morning.
In the sky above, among the lightning, harsh winds and heavy rain, were two brother clouds, Omi and Oli. They were in a fight. Omi had called Oli a mean name after they had played a game of soccer. Omi was so upset that he yelled and screamed that morning, which had started the storm. They had ultimately caused this harsh storm, as the clouds ruled the sky. If the brothers were happy, then the sky was clear and blue. If the brothers were mad, the sky was a storm. If the brothers were sad, not only did it rain, but it was cold and windy. The brothers today, though, were mad.
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So the storm raged on and on. After a week, the people didn't know what to do. So they prayed to the winds and instead of a rain dance, they did a wind dance. The children would get dressed up in all their rain gear and venture outside and brace themselves against the wind. The children liked dancing in the rain and the wind. But they were still learning the difference between their rain dances and their wind dances. A rain dance mean that they danced and prayed for the clouds to bring them rain to replenish the earth. A wind dance was when they danced and prayed to the clouds to change the weather from whatever it was. Unfortunately, the children and the people learned that it was hard to get much out of the wind dance. The people only did the wind dance when a storm had erupted. The clouds didn't ever seem to care. Of course they didn't. The clouds caused storm when they were fighting.
Back in the sky, the brothers still didn't care that the people were being affected. They cared more that each of them weren't going to give in then they did about helping the people. They continued to fight and they caused so much damage to the tribe's village. The storm had been raging on for 3 days now with no end in sight.
So the people decided to rebuild their village to fit the harsh winds and storms that continued to come. Many got sick for being outside in the rain for so long, but they knew that they would have to live in a safe spot if the storms continued — if the clouds didn't stop their feud.
Then the brothers finally saw the damage they were causing. They looked at each other for a long time. Oli apologized. Omi accepted. They decided to stop the fight for the good of the people. The people did one last wind dance, and the winds and storms finally stopped. They were so happy that they cried and thanked the clouds.
Bibliography:
This story is from American Indian Fairy Tales and based off the Shin-ge-bis Fools the North Wind story.
Author's Note:
This story is loosely based on the Shin-ge-bis Fools the North Wind story.
Your idea of the cloud brothers and their hang-ups with each other paint a very intriguing and humorous picture. I also like the inclusion of humanity's drive to build hardier homes here, injecting a bit of a "truth in fiction" angle into you story.
ReplyDeleteI was curious why you included the bit about children mixing up the dances, since it didn't seem to lead to a cause of any event except to just explain the dances. If that were another reason that the wind dance didn't work, that would add another layer to the situation of the story.
There's a bit of a time confusion between the second and third paragraph: in the second, it describes the storm going on for one week, moving in present time. But in the third, it still assumes events taking place in present time, but states the storm had been going on for three days straight. Clarifying this would help. I would also like to know what kind of damage the brothers saw in order to stop the fighting.
I found your story charming, speaking some good messages in a fantastical manner. A second run-through of your story will help identify what can be clarified and expanded to make it even better. Good job here.
P.S.
Why isn't your Author's Note longer? I would really love to know what your thought process was behind writing this story! I'm sure it's interesting!
I like what you did with the clouds and how their emotions affect the weather! I also like the title :).
ReplyDeleteI enjoy that you explained what caused the clouds to fight and the effects it had on the people. I was hoping the clouds would respond to their dances, but of course, they were still fighting. However, I do like that they managed to redeem themselves and eventually realized how much they were harming the people. The fact that they were able to learn and forgive each other was a nice way to end the story.
I think it'd be nice to know your thoughts whenever you wrote this or how you managed to get the idea.
Nice work!
Mia,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how you gave qualities and emotions to the clouds! I wish you had added a little bit of an author's note because I had not read the original story and I wonder what the similarities and differences are between your story and the original. I might have to read the original because I liked what you wrote about. I thought it clever that you had what the clouds did affect the people below. I think you should revise the story a little bit just to make sure everything transitions well, but overall great job! I liked how the clouds realized what they were doing at the end as well.
I thought your story was really cute. I liked how you made the clouds brothers and gave them personalities. I can understand siblings fighting over silly things and making a bigger deal out of it that normal. I liked how the clouds moods affected the weather down below, I thought that was a creative decision to make. I think you did a good job at creating you story.
ReplyDeleteI like how you gave all of these non-human characters, such as the clouds and animals, human characteristics. It was a cute aspect to add. It just made me think of my sisters and how we would bicker over goofy things. I would love to read more about the original in your author's note! I am interested how you made the story your own.
ReplyDelete