By Mia Chism
Once there was a poor, poor village just outside the kingdom’s reach, and every morning Baker Paolo would put out a basket of burnt bread for the children to grab on their way to school. The children would take what they needed to fill the rest of their stomachs for the morning and be on their way, never taking more than was filling, for they knew other children might come along who also needed it. The baker always looked forward to seeing the children's smiling faces in the morning, knowing he was at least putting some joy in the children's lives. Pitter patter went the rain on the bread basket, making the top loafs somewhat soggier than the rest. The children didn't mind. This was a normal day for the poor village and its children.
Just a few miles north, pitter patter went the rain on the windows inside the kingdom. Prince Sam looked out on the gloomy, rainy summer day. Bored to the bone and never having anyone to play with, no matter rain or shine.
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| The view of the palace from the village. Source: Mark Fodden |
Sam went to school, but he was always by himself. He could never go anywhere without his kingdom guards since the Queen always feared for his safety.
He was never left alone. Pitter patter still on the window. Nothing ever changed.
Until one day, at just seven years old, Prince Sam found the courage to escape from his kingdom guards when they were chatting with village maidens. While the guards were laughing and trying to impress the maidens, Prince Sam slowly slithered toward the ground and when no one seemed to notice him, he crawled away.
After he passed a few stores, he got up from his knees. Once he stood up, his eyes locked on a bread basket. Then his eyes focused on all the children surrounding the bread basket. He longed to be with them, for he never got to play with children his age. He was always alone within the palace walls.
So he slowly made his way over to the bread basket, and the poorer children looked at him. At first the village children didn't notice the better-dressed boy, but when they did, some of them were cautious. They could tell by the Prince’s clothing that they weren’t like him. One of the children almost said something to Sam, but decided against it and continued shoving bread down his throat. But the children grabbed as much as their hands could hold, and then the Prince tried to say something.
"Hi! Do you come here often?" he asked into the crowd of children.
No one answered for the village children didn't think they could speak to someone like this boy. Some of the children even ran away.
Sam tried again. "What's your name?" he said, addressing a young girl with pigtails and pink torn shoes.
She looked at him for a long second, but then said, "Annie."
"Hi Annie. My name is Sam. Are we all allowed to take this bread?"
"Yes. We are," Annie said.
Then taking a bite of the bread in her hand, she skipped away to her friends. All Sam wanted to do was be friendly and learn more about this bread that Annie said was free.
So, as all the children had left him, Sam put his hand in the basket and grabbed as much as he could, but his hand would not come out of the basket. The more he tried to pull his hand out from the basket with all of the bread, the more his hand stayed put in the basket.
Prince Sam started to get frustrated.
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| Baskets of bread. Source: Wikimedia Commons |
The Prince screamed out, "But why? I want all of this! I want to taste it all. At home I am allowed to take whatever I want."
One of the children who had come back was the young girl, Annie.
"Sam, we don't know what it's like where you live, but where most of us come from, we only take what we need, for that's all we can afford. If we take more than what we need, then there is none for the rest," Annie said.
The Prince was still whining, but started thinking about what Annie was saying.
He slowly let go of most the bread in his hand, and only picked up what he knew he could consume.
All at once, his hand was free. Then his belly was full.
Annie asked him if he wanted to accompany them to school that day.
Sam thought to himself, "I've made a friend, finally."
We should only take what we need and leave the rest for those who are not as fortunate.
Author's Note:
This story is based on The Boy and the Filberts from The Aesop for Children. In the original story, the boy puts his bands into a barrel of filberts, a type of hazelnut. He tries to take more than he needs and can grab all at once. He didn't want to give up any of the ones in his hand and he begins to whine. His mother tells him to take only what he needs. In this story, I have added two different environments, the kingdom and the poor village. I have also created more drastic characters with the Prince from the kingdom and the poor village children, giving them personality and dialogue. I wanted the Prince not to just grab more than he could carry out of greed, but because he wasn't taught any differently growing up as a prince. The lesson from both stories is essentially the same: take only what you need, leave the rest for others. The truth is that in life, there will always be people with more than you and people with less than you, and we must all respect each other enough to not take from others by taking more than what we need for ourselves.
The first picture resembles the kingdom, which is what I imagine it looking like. The second picture is of a bread basket, which represents the bread that Baker Paolo sets out every morning for the village children. I chose this story because I enjoy stories that have lessons behind them — that teach a valuable moral.
Bibliography:
The Aesop for Children with illustrations by Milo Winter (1919).
Mia this story is great! I feel like I learned something after reading it! I think it is a great way to put this lesson. It’s like that video that has been going around on Facebook where a guy taped money to his suit. Homeless people were coming up and only taking one or two dollars while rich men and women would come up and take almost all of it. Those homeless people said the same things. I took what I need that way other people can have some too. I love that! It shows that the world still has so much good left in it. I wonder what the world would be like if everyone was more like the kids eating the bread. Unfortunately, kids like Sam are raised in that environment where they have never needed to share so it’s a new concept for them.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the best stories I have read so far! Good job!
Aw this is such a cute story! The only thing I would say is that I was a little confused about the pitter patter at the beginning. I thought that it was mice at first climbing over the bread and wondered why that would make the loaves soggy! I got it later, but maybe you could put something in that it's rain? Anyway, I liked the message of the story! You did a good job of capturing the moral in Prince Sam's behavior and also gave him a friend too!
ReplyDeleteMia this story is adorable!! I love that these fables also give us some life lessons along with enjoyment. I agree with Joanne though the pitter patter confused me a little bit too! I think some clarification would help that situation. Otherwise, the story was great and I can't wait to read more stories from you in the future! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Mia! Okay so gonna be completely honest, I have trouble getting through the entire story sometimes just because I lose interest, but your story was so fun to read and I was hooked the entire way through! You explained all of the characters well and it was very easy to follow along! I really do not have any critiques. The moral of the story is honestly something, which no matter what age we are, we should be reminded of. My favorite part of your writing style was the rain went pitter patter, as I could imagine it on the bread getting soggy and on the window sill making the sharp noises of isolation. I know the other reading did not quite get it, but I think this is just up to personal preference because I really enjoyed it. I can tell your talent in revising as this story was beautifully written as I said, but also the grammar was correct and i simply could not pick out any flaws! Good Job!
ReplyDeleteMia, this is a cute story. I feel like it has a somewhat light tone to it, while still sending a very powerful message. I really love the whole idea of the baker helping all the kids in town that may not be getting full from their daily meals. I think that adds an undertone to the story as a whole, because the baker is likely poor himself, yet he is sharing what he can with the children in. I think that’s a great way to exhibit what it means to be selfless within your story.
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job of working the pertinent details about the village children as well as the prince into your story in a flowing manner too. So, throughout the entire story I understood why the information given was important and never wondered “where are you going with this?”
Your sentence “The boy wanted to join these kids, for he never got ***to*** play with children his age.” Is missing the word “to” but I didn’t notice any errors outside of that. I really like your story and I think you did a great job. I don’t think you’ll have too much tweaking to do with this one.
I adore the pitter-pattering rain as a device of building tedium, making the change more apparent. Building a new narrative out of an existing one to not only convey the original message well, but also a new message is great.
ReplyDeleteI only have three narrative problems with this story. First, Baker Paolo. I thought he was going to be a protagonist at the beginning, but when he never showed up again since the beginning, I feel like you can write the whole story about the prince and leave his name out of it.
Second, the basket. Why does Sam's arm hurt when he puts it in the basket? It's because he betrayed the moral, but what physical cause is there? Is there something the baker does to the basket that makes it this way?
Three: Maybe we can make the Prince's reasoning innocent tactlessness more apparent in the story? Maybe add something about his palace life that highlights this aspect of his character?
There's also a few minor word choices or omissions that should be combed over in due time, and the dialogue could be a little more lively, since our actors are children, but that's it. Cheers to a story with two valuable messages!
First off, I really enjoyed the story! I find that the children's innocence and obedience was endearing. I think that the message that you chose to embody is wonderful, and I think you did an incredible job, but a few things bothered me.
ReplyDeleteI kept waiting for the Baker to be the one to teach Sam the lesson. I wanted him to explain what kept them from being able to take extra bread from the basket.
Also, the sentence,"The children would take what they needed to fill the rest of their stomachs for the morning and be on their way, never taking more than was filling, for they knew other children might come along who also needed it. " felt a bit repetitive to me. I think this sentence could be phrased better.
I also wanted to know more about the Prince. I felt like there wasn't enough information for him to really understand the character.
Other than these few things, I felt that you did a wonderful job! I can't wait to read more of your stories, and good luck for the rest of the semester!
Nicely done! I liked the theme of the story and how you executed it. You did well to make the story your own; I do like the idea that Sam took all the bread because he wasn't taught differently, but I do think it still shows his greed based off the dialogue. I was a bit thrown off when you described how his hand was bending so much that it hurt-- I do understand it, but I was a little puzzled in the beginning because it sounded like he did something that would have really hurt him.
ReplyDeleteAll the details of the story tied in well together-- from the baker, the bread, Sam and his isolation-- you did well to set up the story and the theme. The character interactions were nicely done and I loved that the children learned to take just what they needed. The fact that Sam learned from them rather than being shamed was a nice touch, too. Good job!
Hi Mia! I like the moral to this story! It's ironic that the poor children had to teach the prince some manners. After reading your story, I am left wanting to know the prince better. Why did he want the free bread when he had so much of his own? How did he escape the people that were supposed to be guarding him? He must feel very lonely. At the end of the day, I am sure that these poor children are happier than he is. I think there is another lesson to be taught in this story and that is that money does not buy happiness. Unfortunately, so many people have become so greedy in our world, and while I don't think that princes would outright take poor children's bread, I think that the poor are taken advantage of. You could definitely add more to either one of the poor children's daily life or the prince's! This is a great story and I look forward to reading more of your portfolio as the class goes on.
ReplyDeleteHey Mia! I love your blog, it is super clean and easy to navigate. It’s very clear that you have a talent for writing and organization, which shows in the presentation and narrative of your story. I really like the way you’ve structured your narrative to resemble a fairy tale using morals and characters from Aesop’s fables. They meld very nicely and make for an interesting and ethical read. Your description and dialogue are also great! It might be cool in the future to explore different narrators in your writing, like maybe reimagine this story from Prince Sam’s pout of view just to give it a modern twist. That being said, I really enjoyed reading and will hopefully be less greedy. Also, I think that your use of quality images really added to the narrative instead of distracting, which sometimes happens! Thanks for sharing and good luck with your semester!
ReplyDeleteMackenzie
Hello Mia, your story was very interesting to read! The message of the story was truly great and you did a great job to make explain it in your own way. The story was neat and easy to read. I found interesting how the poor children helped the prince by teaching him some manners. I really enjoyed how you portrayed the poor kids in contrast with the prince. Traditionally, princes have everything they need or ask for but in this story you made the poor kids seem a lot happier. The prince was a character I wanted to know more about, there was not enough information to as why would he need help from other less privileged children. I think that could be a great add to the story. The character interactions were something unique in the story and helped in making the character’s familiar. Overall great story, good job
ReplyDeleteHi, Mia! I really like this story. I have read the original source before and I really like how you worked with it to make your story. You also did a really good job of explaining what the original story was about and how you worked with it to make it your own. I like how you chose to make his greed even more selfish because of the poor village children. I really like how you kept the moral of the story that same and just added a few new characters and a different setting. It would be great to know more about characters in the story. You could maybe include a few stories of the prince in the castle or more information about Annie. Also, the prince mentioned that he had nothing to do during the day but then later said that his mother insisted he wake up and be productive. I'm curious what the mother considered to be productive? What did he spend his days doing? It would be great to have more information. Great story though!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story. Usually kids are more like Sam only thinking about themselves since they are too young or unless they have put into circumstances where they have learned otherwise. I also like how you set up the scene with the kids first showing how they were together and then talking about Sam. It contrasted nicely with how lonely he was and it showed even clearer. I get that he needs to be protected and stuff but I do not see how staying by yourself is better for him. Since that is not good for anyone ever and could even lead to depression or cause him to sneak away like he did in this story. I also like how you named a kid and how she became friends with Sam. I just wonder he did in the castle all the time?
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